I am tired and angry of the continuous curveballs that my health or the lack of it throws at me every single day. No matter what I do to manage it, something new creeps up and throws me off the loop again.
I am tired and angry of
- the pain
- the lack of sleep
- going to bed with pain and waking up with more pain
- the relentless fatigue
- the brain fog/forgetfulness
- the tight muscles
- the havoc the meds have caused in me
- the damage they continue to cause in me with new side effects/conditions
- giving up everything I love cos I am unable to pursue/do them
- all the limitations
- explaining my symptoms to doctors to only have them look at me like I am a fool
- listening to people telling me that I don’t look sick; The pain and the symptoms I have are due to age; At least you don’t have cancer or some other terminal condition
- taking it one step at a time when all I want to do is run/sprint
- putting on a brave/smiling face and fighting
- NOT LETTING MYSELF FEEL TIRED & ANGRY
So tonight, I am going to let myself feel tired and angry that I have to deal with yet another health issue in addition to FM. Tonight, I am going to let myself feel hopeless, weak and be in denial. Tonight, I am just going to say “F*** you” to everything and just be.
And tomorrow, like how the sun always rises in the east, I will pick myself up again and carry on like today never happened…….cos that’s the only way I know.
When I’m stuck with a day that’s grey and lonely
I just stick up my chin and grin and say oh
The sun will come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on ’til tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow
You’re always a day away
Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow
You’re always a day away …
~ From the movie Annie (1982)