Tired and Angry

I am tired and angry of the continuous curveballs that my health or the lack of it throws at me every single day. No matter what I do to manage it, something new creeps up and throws me off the loop again.

I am tired and angry of

  • the pain
  • the lack of sleep
  • going to bed with pain and waking up with more pain
  • the relentless fatigue
  • the brain fog/forgetfulness
  • the tight muscles
  • the havoc the meds have caused in me
  • the damage they continue to cause in me with new side effects/conditions
  • giving up everything I love cos I am unable to pursue/do them
  • all the limitations
  • explaining my symptoms to doctors to only have them look at me like I am a fool
  • listening to people telling me that I don’t look sickThe pain and the symptoms I have are due to ageAt least you don’t have cancer or some other terminal condition
  • taking it one step at a time when all I want to do is run/sprint
  • putting on a brave/smiling face and fighting
  • NOT LETTING MYSELF FEEL TIRED & ANGRY

So tonight, I am going to let myself feel tired and angry that I have to deal with yet another health issue in addition to FM. Tonight, I am going to let myself feel hopeless, weak and be in denial. Tonight, I am just going to say “F*** you” to everything and just be.

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And tomorrow, like how the sun always rises in the east, I will pick myself up again and carry on like today never happened…….cos that’s the only way I know.

When I’m stuck with a day that’s grey and lonely
I just stick up my chin and grin and say oh

The sun will come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on ’til tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow
You’re always a day away

Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow
You’re always a day away …

~ From the movie Annie (1982)

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Fibronacci says:

    I can empathize with you… many a time I feel the same way – sick and tired of being sick and tired, and not allowing myself to admit just how sick and tired I am or just how sick and tired of it I feel. Some days I give in, but I take care not to lose the footholds as I go down. I have been in the very pit of depression before and it is hard AF to pull yourself up from it. But I think you have captured the most important essence of giving in to low feelings temporarily, i.e. not forgetting that there is a tomorrow! Just as surely as the sun will rise in the morrow, so must I. 🙂

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