If you are wondering if this post is going to be a review of the famous Pakistani serial, “Zindagi Gulzar Hai,” it’s not. That said ,it was a good drama with really good actors, Fawad Khan (sigh!) and Sanam Saeed and was very realistic. No panning the camera for an entire 30 minutes around overdressed characters 🙂
Someone I know is getting married soon and this brought around a whole lot of questions on life after marriage in group conversations. Is it a walk in the park, is it overly difficult, how to balance both families, how to divide chores, how to balance work-life….you get the gist. In the course of my conversation, not sure what I was thinking but I told this person that “Married life is like a garden,” it sure is beautiful and pretty with blooming flowers and what not from the outside but needs constant and hard work to keep it that way. That was that and I didn’t give too much thought to it.
But in the course of another conversation with a friend, we got to talking about what really makes a marriage a good one, albeit with all the ups and downs. She said that it is very important to have a good friendship with your partner as after the physical attraction and initial flurries calm down, it is this friendship that keeps the relationship strong. It is so true cos with friends, we are usually ourselves, we trust them with our deepest secrets and vice versa, we turn to them during our difficult times and support them during theirs, we respect them, love them, even fight with them and in the process, end up having a great time as well 🙂 Imagine then, the significance of trust, love and respect in a relationship like marriage, where you share your space, your dreams, your realities, your joy, your happiness, your sorrows, not to mention your insecurities.
A classmate of mine once made a remark that she wanted a perfect relationship like mine (as if such a thing even exists). When I gave her a glimpse into my life, the work that Guru and I have to do, she could’t believe it. More than anything, she couldn’t believe how then I was so content with my relationship. Yes, there were and still are a lot of turbulences but one thing that made me dive headfirst into this relationship was Guru’s trust, friendship and respect in and for me. I had my own share of insecurities and faults but the trust, respect and the belief he had in me, made me feel like I can do anything and people around me know that I have done enough crazy things. Yes, I had to do the legwork in most instances but without that support and friendship, I would not have been even remotely successful. We have a running joke between us, “when we are friends, our life is fine, we argue, we disagree and we move on but when we behave like husband and wife is only when all problems crop up.”And we behave like husband and wife only when we let our egos creep in.
Like how a blooming garden needs constant care, tending, watering, pest-control and other gardening-related activities (i am not much of a gardener), a marriage also needs manure and pest control, not to mention de-weeding 🙂 so that you can finally rise with, not fall in love. When you can sit with your partner w/o feeling the need to maintain a conversation and can be content in the silence, then your life truly becomes a garden.
To quote Khalil Gibran,
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Zindagi really is a gulzar 🙂