Thro’ their eyes -Cont’d
Kids have a tendency to constantly surprise us when we least expect it (to self….DUH! that’s why it’s a surprise 🙂 and make you wish that you are more like them – resilient, vigilant, carefree, fearless….the list goes on.
Vidyuth and Vishruth have seen me in various stages of pain and taped up in different parts – my back, my legs, my shoulders, my hands and the latest, the TMJ in bright pink 🙂 They are very considerate and do things to make me feel better but I realized in the last couple of weeks that they are really attuned to me and to how I am feeling.
You see, for the last couple of weeks my pain scale has been really bad, was particularly bad, in the vicinity of 40 or so. This time, the flareup was in my right jaw joint or the Temporomandibular Joint, TMJ in short. The problem with TMJ is there are other symptoms as well – nausea, dizziness/brief faint spells, irritating migraines, pain and stiffness in the neck, shoulders and my arms, difficulty while speaking or chewing, ringing in the ears/blocked ears, constant ear ache, high sensitivity to sound, muscle spasms….etc
I was trying to put on a brave and cheerful face in front of them but once they went to bed (or so I thought), I broke down while talking to Guru. I don’t know how they heard it (our house has 2 levels and their room is in the upper level and I was in the living room in the lower level), but both of them came rushing down from their room and were visibly upset when they saw me crying. They both consoled me, went to our prayer room, prayed to God to ease my pain, came back, applied Vibuthi i.e. sacred ash on my forehead, hugged me, kissed me, even gave me face rubs 🙂 Then they went up to their room and brought me a Shamu, a stuffed orca toy from Sea World, San Diego and told me, “Amma, Shamu makes us feel better when we are sick. Since you are not well, you keep him with you. He is cuddly and will make you feel better 🙂 ” I was moved to tears, happy this time and felt really blessed to be loved and cared for.
They also help me in the kitchen, cutting vegetables, putting away dishes, groceries, veggies in their places and anything else that I ask them to do.
Vishruth is still young and his words and actions mimic his brother’s. But Vidyuth looks out for me in ways that I can’t even begin to comprehend. For instance, when I go to drop them both at the bus stop, he always waves to me until the bus turns around the corner (he never did it for that long last year). One of my friends told me that it is cos he knows that I am not well and that when he sees me waving to him and talking cheerfully with others at the bus stop, it provides him some kind of reassurance, that it is his way of looking out for me. Similarly, they both feel that I am doing well when I go to pick them up at the bus stop in the evening.
All I know is their love, their innocent, unconditional love is the reason that I keep getting up, no matter how many times I fall face down. They look out for me in so many ways and sometimes, I feel like they are the parent and I am the child. And of course there are times when I feel bad and guilty for my bad health cos I feel that they have had to grow up a bit faster…..so I work very hard to feel better, improve my resistance so that I can be a better parent to them.
Thank you Vidyuth and Vishruth for letting me know that it is ok to be a child once in a while. I love you both a lot. I just hope that I am worthy of this love and that I get better soon so that you can enjoy your childhood a little while longer.
It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard