My folks were visiting us 2 weeks back – it was a long weekend on a/c of Ganesh Chaturthi. My mom had brought the silver plate a.k.a சாப்பாடு தட்டு that my parents gave for my wedding (I had left it at my folks’ place when I moved to the US after my wedding). She felt that she needed to “handover what belongs to me.”
When she gave me the plate (it was in a bag), I just took it and kept it by my side and promptly got back to what I was doing 🙂 Needless to say, she was disappointed that I did not take the plate and look (or admire) it. And she went on a flashback of how I have never been enthusiastic or excited about looking at jewelry, sarees, makeup, and things of a similar nature. Listening to her, I realized that she thought that my non-interest phase was just that, a phase and that I would outgrow it when I got married.
I felt I owed her an explanation and I explained to her that I am not pretending to be not interested cos I want to show that I am different. It’s just that these things don’t hold my attention at all. In fact, you will be surprised to know that shopping for my wedding sarees took me less than an hour, that too cos we were waiting for the inauspicious time to pass to pay the bill 🙂 Even the shopkeeper was stunned to see that it took me such less time to select 5-6 silk sarees and a couple of other dresses.
My tastes, I believe are like my nature – I don’t like to draw attention, I like things that are understated, elegant, and most importantly, comfortable. Anyways, I digress as always. Getting back to my explantation to me mam, I also tried to make her see that I might probably get more excited about say, my mac, install the latest illustrator, learn about a new cost-effective computer, or load new apps on her ipad or set up her phone or a new gadget or tattoo maybe 🙂 I guess she was expecting me to be like her, when it came to getting excited about jewelry and sarees and general preferences. We just agreed to disagree (of course it helped that Guru took my side :), not that he had a choice…hehe). I guess moms see daughters as an extension of their self and my apparent disinterest in what interests her kind of put her off.
Then……………I was doing the kolam, i.e. the rice painting that I usually do for festivals and she casually remarked that the strokes and the designs are similar to the ones that Mahalakshmi Paati (my maternal gran who I have never met) and she used to do.
After my folks left for Chennai, I was thinking about our conversations and I realized that I am like my mom in a lot of ways, maybe not in the very obvious ones but the more subtle ones – the way I organize things, the way I make a list of dishes I am gonna cook for a festival or a party, my confidence, my spirit that pushes me to get up no matter how many times I fall, the way I try to make a joke out of my pain (Guru still gets weirded out when he sees me laughing like a maniac – in his words, when i am in a lot of pain), my fiercely protective nature, the way I break out into a dance with my kids and a lot of other quirky quirks. And when I told her about all this, she was so happy that her daughter is after all, like her, both the good and bad parts. Guess what, my mother has the most awesome daughter in the whole world..hehe.
“I’m blessed and I couldn’t be more grateful. Do you want to know why? Because I’m a mother, but that’s only half of it. I’m blessed because, when I need to, I can still just be a daughter. I get the feeling that there is nothing more precious than to have both of these roles, simultaneously.” ― Adrianna Stepiano