Who doesn’t like watching a Christmas tree with the twinkly little lights, going off and on? Now imagine the same inside your body, the twinkly lights being the aches and pains that you feel in your muscles. Throw in constant fatigue, disturbed sleep, waking up with more pain than you went to bed with, increased sensitivity to pain, sound, muscle stiffness, mood swings and the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) thing – never-ending and ever-changing list of triggers, Fibromyalgia is a real b**ch and a real pain……not just in one place but everywhere.
I have been living with this since 2008 and was also recently diagnosed with slip disk a.k.a disk degeneration and it has been sheer hell to live in constant pain, but for one day, September 3, 2012. But you get used to living with pain, devise new ways to structure your activities, your day, maintain your positive outlook of life, revel in the simple pleasures and take it one day at a time cos that’s how much you can handle. And then wham, bham, a flare hits you unawares 😦
M-W.com defines a flare-up as “a sudden and usually temporary growth of activity”, in this case, increase in number of and intensity of symptoms. The last 2 weeks have been extremely bad with all the symptoms that i listed above and much more. In addition, the helpless feeling of being unable to do anything about this, can put you down in the dumps. And sometimes you will find that you are surrounded by people but you feel extremely lonely cos there is no one who can relate to you. You don’t have to necessarily go through the same motions to relate to somebody but just be there. And cos there are no outward symptoms, people sometimes pass it off as “It’s all in your mind.” (Believe when i say this, cos a doctor once said the same thing to me 🙂
I no longer ask the “why” questions – why do i suffer the way I do or why me or why do i have this god-awful condition cos i know there are no answers to these questions and all it does is make me emotionally restless and cranky, not to mention depressed. Instead, I ask “what should i do (or not do) to avoid these flare-ups or god forbid, when i have a lengthy flare-up so much so i skip (and force everyone else in my family too) all b’day celebrations cos i can’t handle them ? (Yup it is my b’day today 🙂
Do I have all the answers – NO, Am i hopeful that i can live my life on my terms – HELL YES but it is taking its own sweet time. Until then, i am gonna be training hard so that when i am finally there, I can KICK fibro in its ass 🙂
Happy Birthday to me!